On Tuesday night the world was hit with news that would forever change peoples lives, the devastating effects of the incident has touched the souls of millions. No, it wasn’t the increasing problem of police gun violence in America nor was it some devastating report from a war torn country that sent the western world into a frenzy. It was of course, the announcement of the fall of Brangelina.
Masses of people racked their brains in a frenzy of questions;
‘Did Brad have an affair?’ Will Jennifer Aniston see the millions of memes generated congratulating her on her winnings? Who will get the children? Are we here on Earth for a reason or some miraculous accident? Did I leave my straightener plugged in? What will I have for dinner?
These are important questions and god damn it, we deserve answers.
As I scrolled through Facebook and saw the first post ‘TMZ report Angelina Jolie has filed for divorce from Brad Pitt’. I braced myself. Like seeing a weather warning for an extreme storm, my body tensed a little, breath shortened, I braced myself for what was to come; in this case, I knew in my heart and soul what to expect, a hurricane of Jennifer Aniston memes.
It would appear in this hunger game of celebrity, the odds were indeed forever in Jen’s favour.
My grandmother never quite got over Jen and Brad’s break up. At the time, when they were still the world’s favourite couple, my Nana got very into tabloid magazines. My nana would constantly bring up the famous couple in conversation, out of nowhere, declaring Jen ‘a lovely girl’ and Brad, ‘a hunk’. Least to say she didn’t take their breakup very well. In the years since their demise, it is still raw for her. Even through a slow descension into senile dementia, sometimes forgetting the names of her family and friends, she never failed to remember, in her words, ‘that trollop that stole Jen’s man’. Ouch Nana! As memories, names, faces, fade in and out of her mind, Angelina will forever be ingrained as ‘that bitch’ and my nana will not be silenced on the matter.
I was unaware that it was not only my senile grandmother who felt so strongly about this but apparently a good majority of my Facebook friends, just about all of Instagram and even the New York Post felt the same (whose front page cover was absolute satirical gold btw).
People have rejoiced in a sense of justice that has been brewing for the past 12 years, apparently. If the Internet was to be taken seriously, Aniston has been in an elevated state of euphoria since the news broke, bathing in champagne, confetti and karmic rewards. Or as the most popular meme suggests, she’s been walking around smirking constantly, and who knows, maybe she is.
It’s no surprise really considering tabloids waited desperately, with bated breath, ten years for Aniston’s remarriage. Rumouring week after week of a marriage, even when she did not have a suitor. I wouldn’t be surprised if she married Theroux just so tabloids would piss off and leave her alone. When the world got their resolution, Jen as an honest woman once again it was onto the next requirement. First comes love, then comes marriage then comes baby in a baby carriage or baby rumours in this case.
As Aniston never had children, people painted her as the loser in that situation. But as we all hold a special place in our hearts for the woman that brought Rachel Green to life, we rooted for her.
Hence the thirst for her to marry and have a child. It is evident this is still the perception of what is required of a woman to be fulfilled. God forbid she be happy as a spinster, or settle with a great career and life. I reckon if you were to open any tabloid magazine from over the last twelve years there has been something in there with a title like ‘Lonely’, ‘finally pregnant’, ‘obsessed with Brad’, ‘Can’t find love’ etc. These sound like retorts of a jealous teenager caught in a pubescent love triangle but alas, this is ‘journalism’ and Jen, amongst others, have been plagued with this for too long, because a single woman must mean an unhappy woman.
I feel sorry for the Pitt-Jolie clan, amongst all their glitter and gold, two people are ending a relationship and surely that’s sad for them. But they will get over it and so shall we. We should not devour the intimate details of their personal lives like little gossip gremlins. Not that I’m above it or anything, after all, I’ve just wrote a whole essay about it.
If anything has come out of this it’s the evidence that our society, often labelled as fickle, can hold one hell of a grudge. Unfortunately it is for a celebrity’s wandering dick and not other dicks, like the orange one the US are allowing to run for president.
Its like we were waiting for this to happen and 2016 was the year we got what we patiently waited for. 2016 also brought us another pleasure we had anticipated – Britney’s comeback! Is this a coincidence? Most defintately, but I’ll leave you with some pictures of Britney and Brad anyway.
Get it girl!
Author: Shaunna Lee Lynch
About: Shaunna is an Irish writer, performer, dreamer, hip hop enthusiast, general enthusiast living in Hong Kong.